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Some Corny Jokes for the Weekend

Friday March 18th, 2016

We know the jokes are bad,and we will never make stand-ups, but if they make at least one of you smile its worth it. Have a fantastic weekend from all the Harbourguides crew.

I'll never forget my grandad’s last words

'Are you holding the ladder properly?'

"When one door closes another one opens," he said.

"That's all well and good," I replied, "but until you fix it I'm not buying the car."

I like going into McDonald's and ordering an Egg McMuffin and a McChicken, just to see which one comes first.

My girlfriend broke up with me yesterday because of my obsession.

She said, "I'm sick of it. You actually believe that you're a Transformer. It's stupid. I've had enough and I'm leaving you."

I said, "But, Baby, I can change."

She said, "There you go again!"

The three unwritten rules of life:


Stayed up all night trying to remember if I have amnesia or insomnia.

Did you know that a woman's "I'll be ready in five minutes" and a man's "I'll be home in five minutes" are exactly the same?

Porn has ruined my life.

My boiler has gone and I'm scared to call the plumber.


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